Growing up

I know I am too young for a mid-life crisis, but my mind slightly feels like it’s having one of those (but in a good way, I think). So I only graduated high school just a little under two years ago, but seriously so much has happened since then. A thing I have noticed more than anything else is that I am "boring" now. Not really, but sorta-kinda-yes I actually am. I look back on old videos of me in high school and I am like oh W O W I was a handful. Where in the world did I get all that energy? And it gets me comparing that old tiny blonde version of myself to the person I am now. No longer am I hanging out car windows screaming songs at random strangers or staying out till 5 am- no longer and I doing any of these things that seemed to make life exciting. 

And I actually kind of beat myself up for that. People definitely think I am boring now; I have lost my sparkle. I can count the number of friends I have on one... finger. I swear. Is this a glow down? Did I seriously peak in high school? How embarrassing. 

But the longer I sit on those thoughts, I realize I don't believe them one bit. My life is perfectly tailored to who I am now. Without wanting to sound too cheesy, I have learned to appreciate the smaller things in life. But for real though. I have so much joy watching the sunrise as I get ready for work. My small circle of friend(s) are the most supportive people on the planet. My desk at work is decorated in the cutest way it makes me smile every time I get there in the mornings. Playing Xbox with my fiancée is an ideal date night. And I promise I'm not trying to sound like a Wattpad character, but it's all true. I have so much fun doing the most normal things! Quite frankly, I think that's how life should be. Not an attention or thrill-seeking contest, but a series of constant and beautiful moments. 

So, what does it have to do with growing up? Well, somehow (not sure how or when), I have grown more and more into the Reese I am supposed to be. I am appreciative and comfortable in my skin. I have lost the need of validation and entertainment. My goal in life is no longer to be impressive or be fun or be cute or be whatever. It is to simply be. 

And I wish more than anything that I could word vomit all of this onto anyone struggling with the comparison of versions of themselves. Life is weird after high school. You lose your sense of self, it lowkey seems like everything was a lie and all you can do now is try and navigate life from a different perspective. It feels like you don't even know who you are anymore. And I know you always hear people say "act like the person you want to become" but it is honestly such deep advice if you think about it. Just f a k e it. Seriously. Fake it till you make it because that is the only way to have a sense of direction towards the life you want for yourself. Don't try to act like your old self- but who you wish you will be. That's where growth comes from.