Are you bored? Or are you comfortable?

Okay, so, lately I have been kind of forcing myself to make life "more fun". I was feeling sucked into a mundane routine with work and such, and with Andrew in school- we only get half as much time as we did before. I was trying to do things I normally never do, like pulling all nighters or being spontaneous and doing x y and z on a whim because I'm a "coool girl" who is fun and only 20! But upon those attempts, I would still end up going to bed before 11pm or I would find myself curled up on the couch reading or playing Fortnite instead of attending the party I said I would. So, I started asking myself, am I boring?

This led to an existential crisis as you can imagine. I tried to go out of my comfort zone, and I did a little bit, doing minor things like getting my face painted (awfully might I add) at a fair we just stopped by on our way home. I came to realize that me "stepping out of my comfort zone" was just me actually doing the things I wanted to do but would usually hold back from. And when I started connecting better with myself, I found that deep down- the things I enjoy doing are a little boring! I like staying in and writing in my journal and I like cuddling my cat. I don't like big crowds or spontaneous overnight trips. All of that is just not me. And if people say I've changed, the truth is, I really have just grown more into myself. I'm aware that I may be boring, but I have come to the conclusion that my life isn't.

I thought maybe it was. I had no drama, no stress, etc. That's where I realized, I am not bored, I am completely and 100% comfortable in life! I have never experienced this feeling before. A feeling of achievement and contentment. A feeling of unconditional love from my sweet Andrew and a safety in my career and school. It is a big switch of circumstance compared to the stress I was overflowing with just a few months ago when planning a wedding. So now that the dust has settled, I can say certainly that my life is catered to me, and I am happy to have it. I obviously have moments, for example, my anxiety is at a high right now. I have had health issues. And Andrew has had his fair share of stress with his schooling, but I have roots set in a place of living that I gravitate towards to find comfort.

 I always see people asking themselves this question (the title) when struggling in a romantic relationship. Which is a whole different topic I could speak about. But I think that with hustle culture being so prominent, we need to normalize asking this question to ourselves as we check in with the relationship with our lives. Are you feeling disconnected? Are you people pleasing? All of it is similar to the healing process after a breakup; you force yourself to go go go in fear of being sad and/or bored. But the growth is only found in the moments of quiet. Same thing goes for life in general. I am only building a better bond with myself since I actually have time to. This supports independence, self-love, and the chase of goals and dreams.

I find it very appropriate that I named my blog the way I did. This post just goes to prove that my life is a little mundane. I find joy in the averageness of it. And I think it is normal to have to do that sometimes.

My advice is today to romanticize life a little more. Pretend you're in a movie and those little boring parts are actually the best scenes. The type of scene where the music swells and the character stares longingly out the window. Enjoy the awkward eye contact you make with strangers while waiting in line for coffee. Enjoy the nightly routine you’ve set for yourself. Embrace the quiet boring parts, think of them as a comfort blankey you can practice peace with. There is a lot more to life than forcing yourself to “have fun”.